I am …..

Bilateral Inguinal  Surgery ( Hernia) was scheduled at 5pm , Tuesday 27th Dec  : 

I was taken around around 435pm from my room at Mount Elizabeth Hospital Novena . Carted in the wheel chair , I was put in the adjacent ward only to be told that my surgery be delayed as previous surgery was still going on . I was briefed on what I would expect when surgery begins ….my first realisation of my  fundamental human right  dawned upon me that people owe me that explanation because “ this body belong to me &  I am the owner of this Body “ ..  

Around 6pm …. I was wheeled into OT . … 

“ I am making you go to sleep “ … was the message by Anaesthetist as he pushed drug filled syringe  in my IV catheter . While he did that , couple of technicians were concurrently putting sensors on my body and explaining the purpose of them . Operation  theatre resembled to me as the modern high tech media  room with two big TV screens and Large circular lights .

I asked Anaesthetist…. ‘ How long will it take ‘  ? He said . 5 seconds . I smiled smugly as I saw him push the plunger , I was telling myself , Hey 5 second must have been over and I am still in my  senses and awareness and my very consciousness “ …….and then ……..

Three hours of Surgery plus another 1 hour in recovery room : Those four hours of dreamless , sense less , perception less sleep that ceased to exist my identity : Who  I am , Where  I am and Who do I belong to ?  These four hours made me wonder and question the difference between this state of ‘ Me Less ‘ and ‘ The Death ‘ 

Upon awakening , I was slowly limping back to the senses identifying me with my body , my perception , my senses and my consciousness , my memories , my connection with the world .

I am - with my body , my senses , my awareness and my consciousness retuned !!!!

This was my second experience of indulging in deep black space after experiencing “Transient Global Amnesia( TGA) ” . Big difference between the two  was : TGA happened in its natural unannounced form while this state was induced by drugs and medicines in a planned manner. 

I kept on questioning this magnificent esoteric  experience that almost plunged me into this wonderful  dark space … How is this experience  different from the death , coma and anaesthetic sleep ?  If I were to be thrown in the deep universe, would that  be any different than this black hole without any dimension of time or space or identity ? 

These questions led me to Robert Spira and Swami Sarvapriyanand : Advait Vedanta philosophy and Non Duality . These two persons took me to the thoughts of Rumi, Shantananda Saraswati ,  Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ramanna Maharshi and Atmananda Krishna Menon . I knew  about Rumi and Ramana Maharshi but  Nisargdatta Maharaj  

born as Maruti Shivrampant Kambli’s teachings almost took me closest to those very answers that I sought. 

This You Tube Video https://youtu.be/ynjFKMNwZgw

Answers the very question of ‘I am ‘ and so are number of You Tube Videos of ‘ Robert Spira ‘ who patiently listen to questions from audience and answers in elaborate details that require rapt attention to understand .

Nisargdatta  Maharaj teachings transcended to many spiritual learners in the western world  . I am terribly embarrassed of not knowing him although he lived in Mumbai and in the same era of my growing up years . 

Hernia Surgery and anaesthesia took me to another realm of the spiritual world that delves in the two states of ‘ Jagrut ‘ and ‘ Sushpati ‘.

Transition from 2022 to 2023 began the search of identity “ I am “ and discover ways to dissolve the identity of “ I am “ and merge with nothingness ….And yes , first time since many many  decades , alcohol  🍺 was not my companion in welcoming new year .