Sunday, September 10, 2006

Being feminine : It's no one's fault

It was my last day of a week long distributor/product training program in Nice, France. Spare time during the week went by roaming at the beach side of Nice. Monaco city, Monte Carlo- casino and city of Cannes. Train ride from Nice – Cannes could be a specimen of what a paradise must be. On one side, foamed azure waves and the other side sloping red hills nestled with exquisitely designed penthouses. I never felt financially so inadequate in my life after seeing the opulent lifestyle of world’s some of the rich and the mighty. Being alone at such wonderful place, I did feel hollow within, more so when I saw families sun-bathing at Nice beach or charming wizened couples doing ball dancing.

My last day in Nice turned out to be an eventful one. It was my lunch time and I had come to my room to attend something. My telephone rang and a melodious, cute and gentle voice of a lady over the telephone call seemed to have momentarily beckoned the possibility of shattering that hollow emptiness. My first reaction was – it could be from the reception to check the time I would be checking out. But it wasn’t so. A sweet sounding female ringing hotel rooms is not something uncommon. Few years ago, it would happen in Dubai and still does happen in Bahrain, when east European woman ring your telephone as soon as one ushers in. I thought this was similar attempt to fish out prospective clients to foster their business. But this woman didn’t belong to that category. She just wanted to chat with me on telephone. My reaction was a mix of intrigue filled with excitement, but with one eye on my watch to join the post lunch meeting, I couldn’t carry on the conversation. Needless to say, I felt sad of getting this call on my last day of a week long stay in Nice.

During the afternoon tea break, I happen to mention to my other colleagues from Middle East about this woman calling me and beseeching me to have telephone conversation. Overhearing the conversation, another participant from Greece jumped up and became curious about this woman and her talk. His excitement surprised us all but what he narrated afterwards stunned all of us out of post afternoon slumber. Let me narrate his verbatim version albeit in my words and expression:

“ I am Greek Cypriot, grew up in Athens and now part of this team in Nice. Though not as handsome as some of my fellow Greeks are, I do posses aquiline nose, fair skin and curly hair that would make others notice me. I do enjoy travel to good places but often feel lonely during my travel. I never realised my stay in nice would have such a deep impact on my life.
As soon as I checked in my hotel room, my telephone rang. There was sweet sounding lady wanting to talk to me. I told myself, ‘ what the heck, here I am in a exotic country – all alone by myself – and here comes a woman come knocking at my door ‘ there shouldn’t no harm.

But contrary to my expectations, she didn’t sound what I thought she would be. She appeared simple, genuine and sensitive person. Our initial talk of exchanging pleasantries led to few more calls from her. That very night, we talked for almost an hour. I wasn’t keen to keep the phone down but I had to, with my next day meeting were to start at 8.00. I skipped my B’fast next day and asked her to call me. She convinced me that it would be easier to call me in my hotel instead of me using expensive hotel telephone. We would hang the phone only after deciding on next call at the appointed time. She didn’t let me down. From second day, it became my ritual of skipping my lunch. As soon as we would disperse for lunch, I would head to my room and spend all my lunch time chatting with her. I knew, I was hopelessly getting sucked into her conversation. By now our chat must possible topic on this earth and yet excitement never seemed to get over. She came across a wonderful companion who could transfix me not just by her enchanting voice but by her intense emotional expressions. This was getting unbearable; my long conversations were now extending to wee hour of the morning. I was hopelessly falling in love. I started doubting all this. Can this happen to me? A woman, I have not seen or touched but still I still empathise in all respects.

It was my third day in Nice. Lack of sleep and food intake was taking its toll on my health. I had to meet her. I couldn’t get any sleep. During training, I had difficulty keeping my eyes open with her images floating all over. With just two more days to leave Nice, desperation was setting in. Was I getting paranoid with her? Perhaps yes. I persisted with her to meet. There was no way I could go back to my country without meeting her. I was already imagining my love romance with her with even marriage as a possibility.

At last she relented. I knew our love would prevail. She explained her difficulties in meeting me in the evening but agreed to meet me next day in my hotel room. I was on cloud Nine. I never felt so happy since my first love that happened ages ago. It was natural that I skipped my lunch. I had to utilize every minute that we had with us. All my dilapidated energy rejuvenated by my surge of love for her. Meeting her, holding the hands; my imagination was difficult to get reined. I was ready with my best attire in her favourite colour, wearing perfume with flower bouquet for her. I was all set to receive her and be with her for another hour of sublime, blissful heady romance.

The time ticked; there was no sign of her. I even went down to the reception to see if she could be waiting for me over there. But Alas!! She didn’t turn up. With heavy heart, I left the place to join the post lunch meeting.

By evening, I was getting worried about her. Why she couldn’t make it – Is it because her family came to know about her meeting me? Or is it that she developed cold feet of meeting a stranger? Is she safe? Has something happened to her on her way? My mind was getting cluttered with so many apprehensions. I was torn between two emotions- losing her on one side and my concern for her well being and safety. I had no other means to reach her. All I knew was her name and nothing else. That night was our official dinner night, I couldn’t have missed that. I drank in memory of her and cried all my heart out as I listened to live piano concerto.

I came back to my room and slumped in my bed. Sheer mental and physical exhaustion had overpowered me. When telephone bell rang, I couldn’t make out if it was a dream or reality? I reached for a phone and heard her voice. I almost cried when I heard her. She didn’t sound all that chirpy and bubbling as she was all these days. My heart missed a beat. Has something happened to her? Before I could say anything, she asked me if she could say something. I was tense but had belief in my new found love that I would overcome her difficulties.

She thanked me for the wonderful time she had with me. She said, it was best time in her life to have spent hours and hours talking to me. She adored me, respected me and even loved me. But she confessed her helpless of carrying it any further. She said she normally wouldn’t have given a ring but she had to; she had to apologise for not her coming y’day to my room. Before I could ask her the reasons, her answer came and I was too stunned to react. It wasn’t ‘SHE’ but ‘HE’, a small teenage school going boy who fancied young men but was too afraid to do anything in open. Blind telephone calls to foreign visitors were his best chance to wallop in his fantasy world that was forbidden in the society. ”

We were all dazed to react. I considered myself fortunate to get his call on last day. But somehow, I couldn’t take him or her out of mind. After all, I could feel the talk of few minutes was mesmerising. I could imagine the plight of my Greek friend.

After almost a decade, last month that event surfaced again at Penang airport. Our Emirates flight from Dubai was 2 hours late and I missed our Penang connection. No complaints – as I was taken care by Emirates Malaysian staff. The person who escorted us was a young guy with exquisitely chiselled feminine traits. He continued conversation till he safely brought all of us to our new gate. His upwards slanted almond shaped eyes resembled that of Vaijayanti Bala who did by putting ‘kajal’ at the edges. His hair was patted in a neat manner to give semblance of a wig. Average built but when walked his limbs moved in artistic exquisite feminine manner. Everything about him was so naturally feminine. With his necktie and jacket wear, he did his job to the best of his abilities but I felt sorry for nature’s misjudgement in sculpting human body inside the womb. My thoughts raced back to my days in Nice and incident of a Greek person.

Back in Dubai at my home and watching – Sir Elton John Live show –brings the image of his Gay marriage .There is nothing feminine about him while he sings ‘‘your candle’s burnt out …”and his fingers slide in adroit manner over Piano keys. There was hardly any visible feminine traits of him.Now it’s well known that when we conceive, we all are females to begin. Only in later weeks, our gender gets determined. All of us have a bit of feminine traits in us in varying degree. Nipples for men is a testimony to this femininity


I am 46% Feminine, 54% Masculine

I am in touch with both my feminine and masculine sides.
I am sensitive at the right times, but I don't let my emotions overwhelm me.
I am not a eunuch, just the best of both genders!!!

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